Why u no smile, Mommy

"Why you no smile, mommy ?" - a child's simple question but no answer. Where do I begin, wonders the mother. 

I worry b'coz I am your mommy sweetheart and it is my job to give you the best that I can. It is is very hard to be a parent, I knew this before I became one. However, as I held you, my beautiful bundle of joy in my arms; my joy overtook my worries - the skies seemed ever so blue and birds were chirping louder too. Then reality came rushing in too.

I want to show you that our city is so beautiful and it has so much history associated with it. The badly kept roads and excessive construction may blur your sight to the beauty that exists but rest assured my love they are there. I want to take you for a walk on the beach; because we have a coastline that we boast of in children's geography textbooks. However, the sight of garbage and people's 'who cares' attitude toward this behaviour leaves me dumb founded. I want to hear to shout out in glee as you swing the swings and throw your hands in the air as you come down the slide. But alas my little one, all the parks I frequented as a child have either been brought down to make place for residential towers or remain ignored and uncared for. 

These are still minute issues my dear, I worry most for your safety. The newspapers and news channels, they scare me; they tell me of everything is going wrong in this world. So I worry. It scares me that when I put you into you school bus and send you off, I am not there to make you you are safe from some stranger driver/ conductor/ cleaner. I wonder how you are doing in school; is the teacher bullying you around and treating you wrong. I want to believe people, irrespective of man or woman, will not harm my child. There will be no stalkers, molesters and rapists at any point in your life. But that guarantee I do not have. I want to get you to believe that people are good; that mankind has not forgotten being human. Why does this seem rather difficult ?

I do know this much though, you are more precious than life itself for me. I will be by your side even when you think I am not there. It is my job to keep you safe and a job at which I refuse to fail. I will smile when I see you giggle innocently, your happiness will make all my worries go away. I promise to keep you smiling always my love... I promise to keep you smiling always !!!

Rain rain dont go away (sometimes)

The monsoons are upon us n of course mixed reactions are evoked in the general public...  now most of us have the usual complaints with the rain - the transport system breaks down,  roads are filthy n flooded etc etc. You would see my nose grow like Pinochhio if I say I dont have the same complaints; however there is something about these rains I absolutely love. Its something I realized while I lived through the regular rain showers of Bangalore. The rain acts as my own personal therapeutic intervention.

I can sit through a rain shower n stare away; a hot cup of chai in hand. The thoughts in my mind start running wild. The rain drops in front of my eyes forcing all those disturbing thoughts to my conscious thinking and an analysis begins begins. I question them, I debate them, I argue with them. I laugh, I cry, I ponder, I make faces. As the discussions in my head get more intense, the rain gets heavy. Crazy right !!! But many a times the solution emerges from that entagled mesh of conflicting ideas. And I wonder how I never thought of this earlier.

The rain slowly clears and my issues fade away tooo. As people rejoice that the shower has come to a halt and they can step out, I say thank the rain for the intervention I needed. Of course I do thank them for going away for a while too so I step out and embrace life with all the joy in me.

Do you do the same ???

My big PHAT family

Do you remember writing a "My Family" essay as a kid ?? I certainly do... There are 4 members in my family  - my father, my mother,me and my younger sister .. lol .. common start line !!! The school essays came n went and my concept of family began to expand. My friends became part it and as the friend circle grew, I began to have multiple families; each one as special and as mad as my immediate family. My stint in Bangalore got me a hostel family, a post hostel family and a very very special PHAT family... 

A super co-incidence that our name initials spelled PHAT; it couldn't get better than that now. It is amazing how each of us found the other and suddenly this little group of 4 was my escape into a world of ridiculous stories, unlimited laughter, interesting anecdotes and some super dinners. The enthu-cutlets that we are, we ransacked Zomato for our monthly secret dinner. I say secret because at max 4 people apart from us knew of our dinner plans and SOMETIMES had the privilege of joining us. Yes yes, you were the privileged  few !!! It is the family you would love to have... the non judgemental, open minded, full of love (and hugs) types; we cribbed, we whined, we drank, we ate, we bitched, we swore, we drank, we ate , we put out our opinions and laid out ideas and what else.. umm.. oh ya, we drank n we ate. Our conversations never end, they spill over to Facebook and whatsapp. 

Professional lives intertwined at different times but this was our secret and it still remains so. There is no proof of our secret meets and people know almost nothing about how we connect... My secret gang of super heroes !!!

klackty klack & all the blah blah

Every weekend I board the (in)famous Mumbai local train to get to my class all the way in South Mumbai from the suburbs. Having stayed away for about 5 years, I thought getting used to the local train again would be as painful as it is for any newbie trying it out. Turns out, I was happily mistaken. Yes the crowds are much larger and there is no real difference between peak and non peak hours. On my first ride (after 2 years easy), I did have to look around a bit to figure where the bunch of women were waiting - indicating that's where the ladies compartment of the train stops. As the train approaches, the tension increases. People are still hanging by the footboard and travelling. The crowd on the platform surges forward, pulling me along with them. I sway with this wave of women, dragging my bag with me to enter that 2nd class compartment. I am in .. Safe ... and what do you know, my bag is entangled on the doorway pole. A 5 second struggle follows, with the women standing around and thoroughly amused. Needless to add, noone helps.

One of the ironies I have always wondered about is the joy of standing on footboard when there is space to stand inside the compartment and sometimes a place to sit. I quietly settle at the corner of a regular train bench already occupied by 3 women. I get no dirty looks; its normal - with no regard to the size of the women, their bags or the bench there's always room for a fourth (or ninth in case of the longer bench). I pull out my iPod and plug my ears with the sounds of Pitbull; I assume it will let my mind drift and not bother about what is happening around me. Sadly mistaken !!! The volume of my iPod cannot overpower the sound of 4 women chatting around me. The topic on the floor was the great woes of the household with special focus on the saasuma (aka Saasuji, Saans & mother in law). As my music is drowned by stories of how one women is tired of only making aloo sabji coz that's what the saasumaa wants everyday, the other interjects and dismisses the story as regular..."that's nothing to complain about... meri saans toh daayan hai"; As the story telling session begins, out comes a pack of fruits and a knife - a snack is needed. We go past Bandra station n I am a silent listener, intrigued by the story of the daayan mother in law; the one who is feeding her grand child chocolates after every meal, making it a bad habit for the child, who pretends to fall sick every third day and blames it on the daughter in law's (aka our narrator's) cooking . I get to know how the husband prefers coming home late rather than being party to these arguments in the house. By this time, the arguments take a different course. This is the time the saans and bahu of the reel life (read TV soaps) take center stage in our narrator's home. The arguments turn to defending the behaviours of their on screen counterparts ".. aaj kal ki bahu; koi izzat nahi hai"... The other women in the group nod and agree with their friend - it seems the scene is the same in every household. Their admiration of the TV soaps depicting their real life story is evident and definitely amusing.

It is now about 30 minutes later and I can see the train pulling into Churchgate. The remaining fruit is packed up along with the knife and put away in the bag. The women adjust their sarees and pick up their belongings. As the train stops, they disperse, probably meeting next on their way back home. As for me, I zigzag between the crowd and rush to class; awaiting my ride back and all the stories that come with it.

Dus ka tees !!!

Some of my earliest memories of going to the movies was at the good ol' single screen theaters. Those were the times before the dawn of the multiplex theaters. At the time, our movie outings usually happened in town. Town is what we Mumbaikars call south Mumbai. Sterling cinema I remember was oh soo cool. My first few English movies (as far as i remember) as a child - Home Alone, Jurassic Park, Free Willy etc. Sterling cinema was also,a t the time one of the the only cinema houses in Mumbai with Dolby Digital sound system. Fancy, ehh !!!

The single screen theater charm is hard to resist. It gave people the complete movie going experience. We would experience the movie as the film maker intended for us to. Of course back then there was no other choice. No one knew the luxury of multiplexes with their fancy food, super air conditioning and comfy seating. I hear many actors, directors etc still visit single screen theaters on the day of the release to see the reaction of the audience there.

Have you been to a theater where when Aamir Khan is waiting to face that last ball in 'Lagaan'; you see the theater going dead silent in prayer and then rejoicing on the victory like we have been crowned world champions ?? Have you ever been inspired to dance the Salman Khan moves in a theater because half the janta have gotten up and decided to turn it into a dance floor ?? Ever heard the public woot and whistle when the girls in Chakde India beat up that bunch of boys as SRK watches  on ?? I have had some of these experiences and many more. I am sure many would agree and swear by these too. Single screen theaters were a delight for us poor, broke college who wanted to escape the shackles of college lectures. God bless those 10 am shows; 40/ 50 bucks tickets and our day was made. Of course, who can forget those 'black' guys - and I don't mean the race. You know the fellows in the crowds (movies depict them as full on taporis - rem Aamir Khan in Rangeela), the ones who go "dus ka tees", "dus ka tees"... Yeah they were saviours when a show was 'housefull' and you just didn't want to come back another day. Pay a little extra and you not only get the tickets but sometimes they could assure you corner seats.. "corner seat madam, koi nahi dekh sakta"; so much happiness for those couples who are deprived of privacy in this country.

The multiplexes brought in this big wave of change. They exposed us to cleaner theaters, better food, cushy & comfy seats (almost fully reclining seats in some), swanky bathrooms. Yeah, they spoiled us !!! But we all like to sneak back to those long gone memories once in a while. I did, just yesterday.The single screen theaters may be revamped  and a whole lot different from 10/ 12 years ago but the joy of still paying 60 bucks a ticket for the 10 a show ... priceless !!! 

The Gods must be crazy !!!

Man is said to be God's greatest creation. So when I hear this line again and again I wonder if this so called greatest creation needs to have a quality check done before being sent to Earth. With all that is happening around us these days, I wonder about some faulty ones who have made their way through.

Every few months this country sees an incident so gruesome it shakes people out of their slumber. It shakes the very foundation of values we consider human and our faith in humanity is uprooted. The recent rape case in Delhi is the latest to be added to the list of such incidents. I am sure a million blogs have been written on this incident but they way this case has taken the country by storm; it is but impossible to ignore it when you switch on the news, pick up the newspaper or log into twitter.

I have nothing to say on the incident besides the very real fact that it is gruesome. It would only be monsters who are capable of a crime of this brutality. But what astounds me is how or government still won't wake up to the very real fact that these crimes are getting more and more rampant and heinous by the day. Over the weekend, we saw citizens from all over Delhi gathering up and demanding justice. They demanded an audience with the President to appeal for the harshest punishment for the offenders. The angry crowd was obviously not welcome by the police force who badgered them with water cannons and tear gas. Ironically some news reports even mentioned some women in the protesting crowd being molested. Can you imagine the scene, you are shouting for justice to the victim and someone is trying to grab a piece of you !!! The newspapers and websites are covering the stories by the minute. So a few days after the incident when i open a news site to get my update, i see this as the main news article and stories of 4 other rape cases around the country.

I get exasperated when I see the govt's reactions and decisions. There are some comments that say women should not roam around at night Well now that's an idea !! While you are at it, why not put GPS trackers on our feet so you know where we are at all times. The newspapers are filled with different decisions the govt is taking for "women's safety" - making women leave from office at 5 pm; setting up fast track courts, more patrolling of policemen at night time. Yes some are ridiculous changes - so we have to leave work early and focus on getting home safe rather than focusing on the work at hand. But more patrolling, faster actions on such cases etc is a welcome change provided it actually happens. But who is going to change the attitude of men towards women ?? We want to be part of the global leaders, we want to achieve the status of a super power but when the women who constitute nearly 50% of the Indian population has to worry about walking on the street and getting home from work I don't see technology and money helping us in anyway.


I will never understand the psyche of the Indian man; what goes through their damn mind and what will it  take to get them to stop looking at women like objects. Mind you it's not only the illiterate ones who carry this notion; the educated ones are no different. They see girls sitting at the bar alone and having a drink so it is an excuse to comment on their character, the girl is seen smoking and she is assumed to have no reputation. Bars and clubs while trying to bring in the best the west has to offer, also shows m the sick, masochist side of men that is brought out with an intake of alcohol. We are there to have a good time just the way you are. So keep your grubby, dirty fingers off us and back off !!!


Winston Churchill once said "Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference". So aptly said and such a needed change !!!

Au revoir Bengaluru !!!!

Any quintessential Mumbaikar would agree.. it's hard to leave this city behind... Everywhere you go, a part of the city latches itself on to you and shows its sneak peek in everything you do.

Four and a half years in Namma Bengaluru and I was still referred to as 'that Mumbai girl". So when the mother ship called back to me, I came running back. But I had bid adieu to a city I grew to love in the past years. Bengaluru gave some priceless memories, it taught me many many things and most of all, it introduced me to some of the the most beautiful people in the world.

As I started packing, reminiscence was an uninvited guest. I looked around my house, my "bachelor pad" house. That house contained memories of the first meal I ever cooked ( rice and chicken in case you wanna know), my every weekend schedule of cleaning and scrubbing it from top to bottom and how it would get destroyed after any Saturday night party. I remember 3 awesome birthday parties I had there, all my friends who came to celebrate with me and made those nights legendary. My weekend trips to the grocery store; the city taught me to carry 3 heavy shopping bags and still manage to have BBM conversations with my friends as I crossed the road. I pack all these memories in cartons boxes and strollers and bring them with me to Mumbai.

As I complete my last few days at work, I sit around the cafeteria table with the usual 4 30 coffee break with a bunch of fun people. We crib about work, laugh at each others' stories and share details of the interesting characters we come across. Two and a half years of working there and I take back some super friendships, people who were sad to see me leave. The learning from the work place is never just about functional or process knowledge; it is a learning on dealing with different people. People you don't like, people who don't like you, stubborn ones, arrogant ones, ignorant ones, level headed ones, smart ones .. every kind !!! They bid me farewell and say the world is a small place, we shall meet again... Yes we shall !!!

As I pack and load my bags into my cab and head off to the airport, I take one last look at all those places that held dear for these years. The watering hole that I frequented with girl friends to blow off steam after a hard day, the gym I pulled myself and dragged to shed those kilos, that Sunday brunch place which gave me so many memorable times.I will miss complaining about the 11 30 deadlines, the house parties.  I drive down those roads one last time, the roads and directions I had memorized over time.

It's been a pleasure Bengaluru ...